‘I had a little cry for myself’ - Valerie Wheeler opens up about online bullying

WHAT do you gain from trying to bring someone else down?

It is a question that shouldn’t need to be asked but it has been by Valerie Wheeler, who has spoken out about the “toxic side of social media”.

The Spin South West radio presenter and Off the Ball sports broadcaster gave examples of horrible comments left on her Instagram page by different troll accounts.

“Likes her food this one” and “Big girl God bless her” were two that she shared on Twitter. Valerie told the Leader she decided to go public because she felt “fed-up, angry and upset”

“I thought I was a strong enough person to deal with the comments but I realised I’m not made of stone. I think I wanted to show people that I too have a vulnerable side and it’s OK to show that. I felt that the position I'm in with work gives me the chance to highlight it on a platform where teens and adults listen and look daily. It's good to create the awareness of online bullying, how to deal with it and that we all could be faced with it,” said Valerie, who co-hosts the Full Charged Breakfast Show on Spin with Ed Roche.

The online abuse coincided with Covid-19 lockdown.

“This is when it started for me. I'm not sure why but maybe these people who troll and harass online had nothing else to be doing with themselves as we were all stuck at home and this is what they turned too.

“It was one every few days on my pictures I would post on Instagram. It was my weight mainly. But sometimes on my height. I blocked, reported and deleted but new accounts would pop up.”

It is easy to say “don't mind them” and “you should feel sorry for them” but Valerie says she feels awful when one would pop up on her phone.

“For the first time in a long time I had a little cry for myself. I started to think maybe I am fat, maybe I do need to lose weight. I still feel very self conscious in clothes I wear and what I post online whereas before I would not have been. The comments had a major impact on my confidence and emotions.”

After Valerie went public, the trolls were vastly outnumbered by supporters. The reaction has been “overwhelming” with over 1,000 ‘likes’ for her tweet and many supportive messages and phones calls

“I did not put the post out there to receive lovely compliments about myself. I did it because I know I'm not the first and I definitely won't be the last. I got emails, phone calls and texts from so many people sharing their online bullying experience who thanked me for speaking out.

“But to know my post helped a lot of people reach out to speak about it and even some shared that they went and got help - it just made me glad that I did post it. I thought also, don’t allow yourself to be a victim silenced by fear.”

The fact that her post got over 1,000 ‘likes’ also points to how common this form of abuse is.

“We live in a world where everything is almost done online. There is no escape from bullies if you chose to be on these platforms. I would hate to think that someone is sitting at home getting this nasty crap and feeling alone and not knowing what to do.

“I love social media but when this happened it really showed me to be that bit more careful online in what I share. I’m lucky, I have a good support system behind me in friends and family but some people don’t. I’d like to be able to share where to get the help needed for people feeling alone and that is what I have been doing on my social media platforms since.”

Valerie received supportive messages and phone calls from strangers, listeners, people who follow her on social media, managers and players from the inter-county GAA and camogie scene. “It will always be remembered.”

What is your message to those who send poisonous messages?

“Stop it!!! What do you gain from trying to bring someone else down? You have no idea what anyone is dealing with in life. Your comment could do dangerous damage to someone very vulnerable and the consequences of these comments are life threatening.”