Why reasonable expectations is your key parenting tool - Parenting Limerick

PARENTING comes with its more-than-fair share of worrying.

Are my children eating healthily?

Should I be worried that my teenager has stopped talking to me?

Do my children know just how much they are loved?

The list is endless.

What is really important is knowing the difference between what you, as a parent, can control and what you can’t. The key to this is trying to keep your expectations within reasonable boundaries.
Take babies, for example. They need nourishment and nurturing so we need to keep them fed, warm, clean and loved. Sometimes though, between the images we are swamped with on social media and marketing campaigns that equate bigger spends with better parenting, we lose sight of how basic those needs are.

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‘Baby essentials’ seem to include monitor alarms that can work in space and bath toys that will increase your baby’s IQ. We all get caught up in it! The trick is to stand back and think about what suits you, your parenting style and your budget. Work within that framework and you will be meeting the most important expectations – your own. Interrupted sleep and a whole new routine are enough to get your head around. Don’t waste precious energy worrying that you forgot to take a photo of your baby beside his one month milestone card. Parenting happens outside and beyond those Instagram moments.
Try to apply the concept of reasonable expectations to the majority of your parenting tasks. This is particularly relevant if you have more than one child. Ever notice how frustrated you get when your second child doesn’t do the same thing your first did at a particular age? ‘I can’t understand it, his older brother was trained a year at this stage’ or ‘your sister’s room is always tidy, why is yours always a mess?’

Bear in mind that your children are individuals, each with their own way of feeling and behaving. If you set standard expectations, you are only increasing your own stress levels. You can’t make something happen just by willing it so take the time to explain to your child why you are asking them to do something. If trying to talk to your teenager ends up in rows, explain to them that your job is to make sure they are safe and happy. You may only get a grunt in return but it’s more than you started with!
Parenting is a daily learning process and it’s all about trial and error. The trick is managing your expectations and celebrating the little wins along the way.

This article was contributed by a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie.