'Forever changed me' - Ex-wife gives powerful impact statement as husband jailed for rape and coercive control

A 48-year-old Portuguese man has been jailed for eight years at the Central Criminal Court for the rape and coercive control of his wife.

Sergio Correia, of Front Street, Ardara, Co.Donegal, was convicted by a jury of two counts of anal rape and one count of coercive control of Kathleen Correia in 2019.

Kathleen Correia (41) waived her legal right to anonymity to allow him to be named. Reading a victim impact to the court, she said the abuse was the worst violation a husband can commit against his wife.

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“The worst violation a husband can commit against his wife is to rape, abuse, objectify and degrade her. It’s a breach of trust and respect that has had severe implications and long-lasting emotional scars for me. I have not been able to engage in an intimate relationship and I don’t know if I ever will without feeling afraid, traumatised and fragile,” said Ms Correia.

The court heard the couple met when Kathleen was in holidays in Portugal in 2006 and they later moved to Ireland.

Detective Garda Paula Griffin told Mr Garnet Orange SC prosecuting that the couple married in 2012. In 2018. a decision was made to return to Portugal to see how it went but they had difficulties there and returned to Ireland. The court heard that it was in the nine-month period after returning to Ireland that the offending took place.

After they returned to Ireland from Portugal, Correia was extremely frustrated and moody and she felt like she was walking on eggshells, the court was told. She lived with the dread of intercourse. If there was one night she didn’t have to have intercourse he would say she “got away last night”.

The court heard she lived in constant fear and had a mental breakdown. She lost 20kg and was sent to adult mental health services.

The offences took place between January and December 2019. The couple attended a concert in Dublin in July 2019 for Sergio’s birthday. Prior to them going to Dublin, he requested they would have anal sex. She did not want to participate and had made it quite clear.

The first night the couple had vaginal sex but the second night he started pleading for anal sex, the court heard. She begged him not to but he flipped her over the bed and penetrated her. She repeatedly told him that it was sore and asked him to stop, but he continued to thrust until he ejaculated.

The court heard he was convicted of a second count of anal rape in the family home when again he was pleading for anal sex but she repeatedly told him not to.

He was arrested in February 2022 and interviewed at length, but when specific allegations were put to him he agreed he could not say when Kathleen consented to anal sex. This persisted in each of the allegations that were put to him, the court was told.

Det Gda Griffin told the court he had no previous convictions. The trial commenced on May 24 last and ended on June 10.

Mr Ciaran O’Loughlin SC, defending, said there was a large amount of drugs and alcohol affecting Correia's behaviour at the time of the incident at the hotel.

He told the court there was a letter from him in which there was “a very fulsome apology”.

“I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made…I understand she may never forgive me…I wish I could go back in time,” the letter read.

“I take responsibility…I hid behind drugs…I must also apologise to my three beautiful children,” he added.

Mr O’Loughlin his client did not meet criteria for personality disorder but was at high risk of suicide. He said his client should be referred to addiction services following release.

He said his client was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma in 2012 but did not have his most recent treatment on October 2 last, as planned.

Mr O’Loughlin said a probation report had put his client at a medium risk of reoffending. His father was unwell. He said his client’s expression of remorse was thorough.

Ms Justice Melanie Greally imposed a nine-and-and-a-half-year sentence on each of the two counts of rape and suspended the final 18 months of it.

She also imposed a two-and-a-half-year sentence to run concurrently, on the count of coercive control, backdating it for time spent in custody.

Ms Justice Greally ordered he undergo the post-release supervision of the probation services and be assessed for domestic abuse and sexual abuse programmes.

The judge also ordered that he attend an addiction counsellor as well as Alcoholics Anonymous. She ordered that he have no contact with the victim without her consent.

The judge said mitigating factors included the absence of previous convictions, that there was some evidence of remorse, and a loss of his relationship with his children.

She also took account of his mental health difficulties and suicidal ideation, and long history of drug and alcohol abuse.

The judge said she took account his good conduct in prison and character evidence before the court as well as the content of a probation report and, to a very limited extent, the psychological report.

Ms Justice Greally said that Correia showed “very little insight” in his psychology report which showed a “high level of self-pity”.

He is placed at moderate risk of re-offending by the probation services and it is their opinion he will continue offending in relationships. The probation report put him at low risk of reoffending for sex offences.

VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT IN FULL

I am writing this victim impact statement because my ex-husband has been convicted of coercive control and rape. It is with a sense of great sadness and a heavy heart that I am writing this.

What I had hoped and dreamed for my life you ruined, I wanted what anyone wants when they get married. A loving partner to share our lives together. To raise our children and support them at every stage of their life, and enjoy watching them grow. To work through the ups and downs of family life together. A home that is safe, to support, protect and cherish each other. Instead of that you coerced, controlled, abused and raped me.

You concealed a drug addiction from me for years. When I found out about this I was willing to support you through your recovery. During your inpatient treatment programme I addressed your unreasonable sexual demands and gave details of specific incidences that happened. I asked you to please change and told you how much it was affecting me.

You admitted your behaviour and apologised, but you made no effort to change. You knew the most important thing for me was to keep our family together but you made this impossible. I tried so hard but I just couldn’t live feeling afraid and anxious anymore, knowing what you expected from me and consent meant nothing to you.

Home is supposed to be a safe place and a husband is supposed to love and protect his wife. You destroyed our marriage and our family. Your control and demand for sex took over our marriage you insisted no matter how many times I said “No”.

You had no regard for my feelings or how your persistent demands and control impacted me. It was as if you believed you were entitled as my husband to sex of any kind anytime you wanted you would say to me “If I was a proper wife, I’d do what you wanted” and “If I loved you, I wouldn’t make you beg”. You made me feel obligated.

The trail of destruction caused by your actions, the trauma I’ve been left with, so much hurt and devastation. I tried so many times to talk to you and explain how this was not normal behaviour and how much it was affecting me.

I tried to negotiate and compromise with your demands and expectations but you dismissed my feelings and were not willing to compromise. You crushed my soul and broke me as a person. I lost my voice. If I didn’t do what you wanted our marriage wouldn’t have lasted and you made that clear. You said to me “you wouldn’t put up with less than five times a week you’d pack your bags” and you’d say to me “you got away last night but you won’t get away tonight” those threats hung over me every day.

The night at the Gibson hotel when I brought you to a concert for your birthday, you demanded and forced me to have anal sex. I begged and pleaded with you not to do that, but you did it anyway because you expected a birthday treat. I went to the bathroom afterwards shaking and afraid.

I stayed there a long time crying, trying to understand what had just happened and why you did that to me? I said to myself that night, “I will never go away for a night with you again it’s not safe”. What was I going to do? The reality of not feeling safe with my husband was frightening, I was so scared.

Since 2019 my life has been shattered and the direction of my life derailed, not only was I trying to come to terms with what you’d done to me and cope with the trauma. I was parenting our three young children alone which is demanding in so many ways.

There were days I felt I wasn’t able to function, but I had no choice. I had to get up, put on a brave face and do my best in very difficult circumstances. The loneliness and isolation was horrendous, the grief and loss of the life I thought I was going to live with my husband and the loss of my own self.

I didn’t know who I was anymore, I was haunted by the abuse and rapes. I was not comfortable in my own body. I wanted to be somebody else, I was trying to gain some control in my life, that had spiralled out of control due to your actions. As a coping mechanism I focused on controlling food and exercising.

I ran so much I now have arthritis in my hips. I thought if “I change how I look I won’t have any connection to what happened to me, because my body will look different.” It was the only way I could cope at the time. It distracted me from the painful feelings. I couldn’t reconcile what had happened. I was suffering from PTSD. My own physical and mental health was suffering I knew I couldn’t go on like this.

I got counselling for myself. I remember the first appointment when my counsellor explained to me that it was an abusive marriage and my husband raped me. It was such a shock to hear him say those words out loud, but it validated the years of turmoil that was going on in my mind.

I have been attending the Rape Crisis Centre for counselling since then. I felt anger towards you for your actions and for destroying my life but I also felt angry at myself for staying in an abusive marriage and not standing up for myself sooner but I stayed because I always hoped you would change and I wanted to keep our family together.

Daily life was a struggle. I was existing and going through the motions but felt not connected to life and detached from the reality of what had happened. The anxiety and panic I felt had a profound impact on my ability to do normal everyday things, like go to the shop or being around people, the thought of having to make a conversation and act as if everything was ok.

To have to conceal the truth and repress my emotions was debilitating. I isolated myself and avoided people as much as possible for a long time. I couldn’t sleep at night, it was at night when I got the kids to bed and the house was quiet the flashbacks and memories came flooding

back I had to move out of our house due to the trauma and memories associated with it.

I had to find a new house for me and the kids which took a long time. The insecurity

of not having a home on top of everything else was so difficult. I have been trying to

rebuild my life piece by piece ever since. It’s been a constant uphill battle. It was a

very hard decision to go to the Garda DPSU unit and make a statement against my ex-husband. I was frightened as your behaviour became increasingly aggressive and you continued to treat me in a disrespectful manner. I felt I was left with no choice. It has been a lengthy process from when I made my statements until the trial and so difficult to have the trial date looming over me all these years, all the while trying to get on with my life and parent alone.

When my family found out about what you did they were initially in shock and angry, but most of all saddened that I had to live though that. They have done their best to support and help me over the last few years, but it has been a very difficult reality to be faced with.

Also your family have been left devastated by your actions. The relationships between them and our children have been broken and strained forever. Our children have lost out on the love and connection with their grandparents, auntie and cousin this is heartbreaking for everyone concerned.

The ripple effects of your actions has caused so much pain and devastation and continues to do so. It’s like a never ending earthquake - everything is crumbling around me, I can’t control it and the aftershocks keep coming. I have to keep picking up the pieces of my life and the children’s and move forward as best as I can. I didn’t envisage my life this way, I just wanted a loving family unit.

The lead-up to the trial was daunting. I had no idea how I was going to get through it. I had to take time off work, I couldn’t concentrate as I was struggling to manage anxiety and having sleep difficulties.

I had to talk to our two older children and explain to them about the upcoming trial and what was going on. It was the hardest conversation I have ever had in my life, the sadness on their faces and the tears they cried, I will never forget. When they asked me why did you do that to me, I didn’t have an answer for them because it’s an impossible question to answer. It’s incomprehensible.

I comforted them as best I could and reassured them that I was going to be ok. They were so worried about the trial and the impact that would have on me. I rang them every evening during the trial and reassured them that I was doing ok, to ease their worries. It was a terrible burden for our children and our eldest son was also trying to complete his exams at that time. They have been so brave and shown so much resilience while trying to come to terms with such a difficult reality.

The impact the trial has had on me is difficult to put into words. The fear and anxiety I felt was overwhelming and it consumed me. The days giving my evidence I can only describe as ‘agony’, to have to relive the horrendous details of the rapes and abuse.

It was like it happened all over again but this time in a courtroom full of strangers. I felt so exposed and humiliated. My dignity and self-worth was left in shreds. It was so traumatic-all the difficult emotions were brought to the surface-the pain was unbearable. Daily life was a struggle again and nothing felt normal. Life was going on around me but I felt so far removed from it. I couldn’t be around people I was isolated.

The rapes were so vivid in my mind again like they happened a few days ago. I was having panic attacks, I couldn’t sleep, I was an emotional wreck. I was in a state of shock and disbelief. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to recover from the trial. Still up to this day I struggle and have very difficult days. I don’t know if I will ever fully recover from the experience.

You haven’t acknowledged any wrong you have done. The worst violation a husband can commit against his wife is to rape, abuse, objectify and degrade her - it’s a breach of trust and respect that has had severe implications and long-lasting emotional scars for me.

I have not been able to engage in an intimate relationship and I don’t know if I ever will without feeling afraid, traumatised and fragile. I have carried so much pain and hold back tears everyday - sometimes it’s hard to breathe. I have lived with feelings of shame and guilt that were not mine to carry. It wasn’t my fault.

You have now been held accountable for your crimes; you have to live with the consequences of your actions. I will have to live with what you did for the rest of my life and our children will too. It has forever changed me as a person. However, now it’s time for me to discard the heavy cloak I’ve been carrying and try to free myself of the pain, sadness, and fear.

To continue my healing journey, with hope to reclaim my life, and to feel happiness and joy again.