POSITIVE PARENTING: Supporting your teen’s emotional wellbeing

One minute, your teenager seems perfectly fine; the next, they’re upset, frustrated, making impulsive decisions, or shutting themselves away. Parents, if this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Adolescence is a period that brings big emotions and comes with big changes. Understanding what is happening under the surface can help us support our teens through it.

Adolescence, especially during the early and middle teenage years (around 11-15), is an important time for brain development. At this stage, young people are navigating changes in their bodies, relationships, independence and developing their sense of identity, all while learning how to manage big and complex emotions. The parts of the brain which are responsible for emotions, decision-making, and self-control include the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. The amygdala plays an important role in processing emotions and memories, while the prefrontal cortex helps us plan ahead, think through situations and regulate our responses. These brain systems develop at different stages, the prefrontal cortex does not fully develop until early adulthood, around 25 years of age.

Effective emotion regulation happens in that moment just before the amygdala takes over our responses. This is when we are able to stop ourselves, turn on the logical, thinking pre-frontal cortex and manage our responses according to the situation.

READ MORE: Global music superstar Garth Brooks set to play Limerick

So, what does this mean for your teenager?

As the prefrontal cortex is still developing, teenagers may find it harder to pause, think through consequences, and stay calm when their emotions are running high. This helps explain why teenagers may sometimes act impulsively, take risks, or react strongly to situations during these times. Of course, this does not mean teenagers should be excused for every poor decision or emotional outburst. Most young people have some ability to make thoughtful choices. What is important is to keep in mind that managing emotions is a skill that is still being developed during adolescence.

Emotional difficulties can look different for each teenager. Some teenagers turn their distress inward, becoming more anxious, withdrawn, tearful, or having low mood. Others express their distress externally through irritability, emotional outbursts, or lashing out at those around them.

Recognising that emotional regulation can be challenging during adolescence allows us to respond with understanding. This perspective can help parents shift from asking, “What’s wrong with my teen?” to asking, “What might my teen need right now?”

So, What Can Parents Do to Support Their Teenager’s Emotional Well-being?

1.Practice co-regulation: Co-regulation means helping your teenager manage difficult emotions through your own calm presence, reassurance and guidance. This might look like sitting quietly with them, speaking in a calm tone, or acknowledging that they are upset.

2.Get to know your teenager’s triggers: You may have noticed that your teenager may seem more irritable or upset when they are tired, stressed or dealing with difficulties at school. Understanding what contributes to your teenager’s emotional responses can help you recognise when they may need additional support. Triggers can include academic pressure, friendships, relationship difficulties, lack of sleep, or hormonal changes. Every teenager is different, try to stay curious rather than jumping to conclusions. For example, it may be helpful to show curiosity through phrases such as, “I’ve noticed things seem a bit harder for you lately. Is there anything that’s been stressing you out?”

3.Listen to and validate their emotions: One of the most helpful things we can do for our teens when they are struggling emotionally is to help them feel heard and understood. Validating emotions means acknowledging your teenager’s feelings, allowing them to feel that way without trying to fix that feeling, without offering advice or solutions, and just allowing them to be in their emotions. For example, if your teenager is upset because they were not invited to a social event, you might be tempted to say, “There’s no need to make such a big deal out of this. It’s not that serious.” While the intention might be reassurance, what your teenager may hear is, “Your feelings don’t matter.” Instead, try acknowledging their feelings first. You might say, “That sounds really hurtful, especially when you wanted to be included. Do you want to tell me more about what happened?” Even if you don’t understand why they’re upset, let them know that you know they’re in pain. This is important because teens who struggle with emotional dysregulation often feel their pain is unseen by their parents.

4.Model emotional regulation: As parents, we often focus on teaching our teenagers how to manage their emotions, but it just as important to consider what they observe about us. Young people learn a lot about managing difficult feelings by watching how the adults around them respond to stressful situations. For example, if you have had a difficult day and find yourself becoming irritable, you might say, “I’m feeling really frustrated at the moment, so I’m going to take a few minutes to calm down.” This shows your teenager that having strong emotions is normal and that there are balanced ways to respond to them. It is also important to recognise that parents will not always respond perfectly. There may be times when you lose your temper or become impatient. What matters more is how you respond after that. Following a conflict or ‘rupture’ in your relationship with your teenage child, it is important to make efforts to ‘repair’ – this is how the connection between you will be strengthened.

Midwest Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service are running a free online parenting webinar, “Supporting Your Teen’s Emotional Wellbeing”, on Thursday, 12th November from 10am to 11:30am. This webinar is suitable for parents looking for practical strategies to support their teenagers through big emotions. To register contact 087 345 1489 and leave a voicemail with your name and number. We will get back to you to complete registration. Registration closes on Tuesday, 10th November at 11am.

This article was written by Diekololaoluwa Amujo, psychology assistant with the HSE Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, Limerick. This service is a member of Parenting Limerick, a network of parenting and family support services across Limerick city and county.