Positive Parenting: Helping your child manage big emotions

EMOTION regulation involves recognising emotions, understanding them, and using helpful strategies to cope effectively, especially in challenging situations.

For children, learning to regulate emotions is important for developing social skills, managing frustration, and navigating complex situations. Children experience a range of emotions, from infancy through to adolescence, as they learn to understand themselves and the world around them. Parents and caregivers play an important role in helping children to navigate and manage their emotions.
To understand how children and young people develop the ability to regulate their emotions it is important to consider brain development. The brain undergoes significant development during childhood and this continues into adulthood. Different parts of the brain mature at different rates. The part of the brain that helps control impulses, manage emotions and plan responses is one of the last parts to fully mature. Children and young people can often struggle with impulse control, emotional regulation and understanding consequences.
Remember, children are learning to manage big feelings and, like any skill they learn, they need our help and support to do so.
When children experience big emotions they experience physical changes in their bodies and their ability to think is also impacted. Often our tendency, in these moments, is to try to talk to our children, to fix things or problem solve.

READ MORE: Navigating your children through their teenage years
However, when they are feeling overwhelmed they are not able to do this and might not even be able to process what we say. There will be time for talking and problem solving later, but in the moment of a big emotion what our children need from us is our calming presence to help them understand their emotion and calm their nervous system. Our ability to be present with our children when they experience an emotion will help them, over time, to learn to manage emotions in a helpful way.
When we can understand what is happening for our children we can approach emotional outbursts with empathy and support. This is called co-regulation.
Co-regulation is a process where children can develop the ability to manage big emotions and sensations through connection and nurturing with their caregivers. A warm and responsive relationship is the first step to co-regulation. Showing your child affection, taking an interest in them and their interests and ensuring lots of positive time together can all help support the parent-child relationship. Children also need to feel safe and secure in the world, and structure, limits and rules let them know that there is someone in charge and that they are safe. Ensuring consistent and predictable routines and structure is important.
Having clear rules, boundaries and expectations, managed in a calm and kind way, is also vital.

READ MORE: Top tips for enjoying longer evenings
Modelling emotions and labelling emotions in your child and others can help them to begin to put language on what they are feeling. It is important to model and practice calming strategies and helpful behaviours for managing emotions (not just during times of a big emotion).
When your child does experience a big emotion, remember they are having a hard time, respond with patience and empathy, use a calm tone, validate their emotions and set limits on unhelpful behaviours.
To effectively respond to big emotions the caregiver needs to remain calm. Some parents may find it easier to support their child with some emotions over others, and this can be different for each person. Being aware and conscious of what emotions you find harder to deal with can help you to respond to these big feelings in a different way.
Through patience, empathy, and effective guidance, parents play a pivotal role in helping their children develop the emotional regulation skills. By staying attuned to your child’s emotional needs and guiding them through emotional regulation, you help them develop the skills they will need to navigate life’s challenges.

This article was contributed by the Primary Care Child and Family Psychology Service, a member of Parenting Limerick. Parenting Limerick is a network of parenting and family support organisations. For more information on this and other topics go to www.loveparenting.ie.