How to deal with 'toxic' family members at Christmas as expert advice issued

National Mental Health charity Turn2Me has offered help to people on how to deal with toxic family members during the Christmas period. 

“The festive season can magnify tensions, especially in family dynamics where unresolved issues or dysfunctional patterns exist. It’s important to remember that your mental health matters and that there are strategies to help you cope. Setting boundaries and having a plan in place can make a significant difference,” Fiona O’Malley, CEO of Turn2Me, said.

Turn2Me's top 5 tips:

1. Set Clear Boundaries

If you know certain conversations or behaviours cause stress, establish boundaries ahead of time. Politely but firmly let family members know what topics or actions are off-limits. For example, if you want to avoid discussing work or personal relationships, make this clear in advance. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away, they’re about protecting your peace.

2. Limit Time Spent Together

If spending extended periods with toxic family members feels overwhelming, plan ahead to limit your time together. This could mean arriving later, leaving earlier, or scheduling breaks during family gatherings. It’s okay to excuse yourself if things become too tense - your emotional well-being should always take precedence.

3. Focus on Positive Interactions

Try to shift your focus to the family members who uplift and support you. Engaging with people who bring positivity into the room can reduce the emotional weight of toxic interactions. Seek out opportunities for meaningful conversations and shared moments with those who make you feel valued.

4. Have a Support System

Prepare yourself emotionally by confiding in a trusted friend, partner, sibling or counsellor before family gatherings. Knowing you have someone to turn to for support can help you feel more grounded. Checking in with them during or after the event may help to decompress and reflect.

5. Avoid Contentious Topics

Politics, religion and money are topics that can cause division. Pivoting into another topic can be a good way to keep tensions low. For example, if you know that talking about politics can cause arguments, and someone asks if you saw the latest political debate, you can say, “No, I was at the cinema watching Gladiator II, have you seen it?”, or “No, I was at the gym, I’ve made a New Year’s resolution to get fitter – have you made any New Year’s resolutions?” or “No, I was planning my next holiday. Do you have any nice holidays planned for 2025?”

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“Dealing with toxic family dynamics can be emotionally draining,” O’Malley added. “It’s important to prioritise your mental health and remember that you have the right to set boundaries and prioritise your peace this Christmas.”

As the Christmas season unfolds, remember that it’s okay to take some time just for you.#lifelineonline #mentalhealth #weekend #selfcare
Free Mental Health Support at https://t.co/eR5Ck3eAFS pic.twitter.com/Uhz5hEnuCU

— Turn2Me (@Turn2me) December 14, 2024

Turn2Me offers support 365 days a year, including on Christmas Day. The charity offers six free counselling sessions, online peer support groups, free meditation, and a free 'Thought Catchter' mood diary.

Visit www.turn2me.ie for more information.