Secret Junior Footballer - The thickest? The longest in the shower? Meet the rest of my team-mates

The Secret Junior Footballers is a current player in one of the LDMC leagues
Our Secret Junior Footballer dishes even more dirt on his team-mates this week as he brings us on a tour of his dressing room.

Our Secret Junior Footballer dishes even more dirt on his team-mates this week as he brings us on a tour of his dressing room.

Not even a snakey friendly to go on about this week, the Janesboro juggernaut rolls on and it’s Munster Junior next week. Where would they be without Clarke? Midtable maybe? This week the Secret Junior Footballer finishes off the rundown on his team mates:

Most Intelligent: This is a really tricky one, footballers not being widely known for their intelligence – you only have to look at the Facebook page to see prime examples of that! The smartest footballer I’ve ever met was known as an eccentric chap, even though the truth was so far from this. He was, in fact still is an entrepreneur and the hardest working man you’ll ever come across. He had to give up football after an horrific injury but is still involved as a coach. As far as game intelligence goes, he was never blessed with blistering pace but could read a game so well that he never needed it. Technically good, he sailed through games with an air of confidence that bordered on arrogance but a more humble person I’ve yet to meet.

LEAst Intelligent Much easier this time, this guy was and in fact still is a bumbling fool! A loveable guy, he was easily taken in by pranks in school but because of his size and strength you knew never to take it too far. He still plies his trade in the Limerick Junior Premier League and had his ups and downs away from the pitch but has, amazingly, managed to carve out a solid career for himself in local business and even bagged himself a great wife and has a great family. Still reads The Sun though and believes every word – his daily texts about imminent transfers, both local and in the Premier League are testament to that.

WORST DRESS SENSE: Where do I start? Through the 80s and 90s we had some shockers with shellsuits and the dreaded undercut and it seems that the player I played with who had the worst dress sense never gave up the habit. You’ll still see him show up on match days with whatever is in the window in River Island, those awful plunge neck t-shirts, the chinos that those of us of a certain age left behind in 1997 and what can only be described as boxing boots. He takes it in good spirits though and claims that we’re all only jealous. When he looks back at the photographs in just five years time he’ll get it.

WORST TASTE IN MUSIC: That’s a tougher one but it’s got to be one of the young lads again. I’m all for a bit of Tupac – California Love is nearly 20 years old after all – but at the risk of sounding old, the stuff this guy has on in the car when he pulls up is just noise! Lately it’s been Lady Gaga. I say Lady, but we’ve all heard the rumours….

and finally ... who’s the longest in the shower? If the lads knew who I really am, and who’s to say they don’t, I’d be inundated with requests to give them this title but the truth is that only one man deserves it and everyone knows who he is. Sickeningly, he’s a great guy, indeed if it was me I’d walk around with a knowing smile too. No kids yet though, so I’m hoping it’s true what they say, that it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

Can we PLEASE have a match next week?