At the cutting edge
Too much science fiction in her youth gave Patricia Feehily a terrible fear of robots. But now, with a little robot of her own mowing the lawn, she has softened on the march of technology.
ALL my life, I've been paranoid about robots. "They'll take over the world," I was told, "and some day they'll rob your job."
But that wasn't the scary part at all really. What bothered me most was that the mechanical men with the monotone voices would eventually develop minds of their own and make me do their bidding instead of the other way round.
I don't even know why they had to be male in the first place, but the prospect of a female robot never even entered my head.
I read too much science fiction in my young days, I'm afraid. But you can imagine how I felt when I was introduced to the "Robomow", the latest robotic lawnmower that not only cuts the grass while you relax and read a book, but chews the cuttings and nourishes the lawn with the indiscernible digested bits. Hostile, to put it mildly!
I'm irrational when I come up against anything or anyone more competent or clever than I am - which leaves me in a constant state of irrationality. I wanted to kill it, actually.
"Take it home and try it out on your lawn, and maybe you could write a review of it, " said Robomow's Liam Burke, from Ballycahane, Croom. "My lawn!" I gasped. "My lawn would chew that thing up and nourish itself with the leftovers".
I couldn't tell him that I'm a mechanical and technological idiot as well, and that the words "programme" and " set" bring on mad fits of panic - and more irrationality.
Actually the worst part of the grass cutting for me up to this, was pulling the starting cord on the old petrol mower. The exertion was unbelievable and just when the thing would respond, I'd run away in fright. There was no guarantee of how I might react when the Robomower burst into life.
But Liam persisted, and now I'm in love with a robot. Besotted would be a better description. The lawn has gone from jungle book disaster to immaculate chic in less than three weeks - I can even have stripes if I want them - and the husband is mad jealous.
But if he had cut the grass every time I hinted that the prairie had arrived outside the front window again, instead of insisting that there wasn't "a blade of grass in the country", I'd never have fallen for the Robomower.
I don't know if I'm supposed to say this in what is meant to be a balanced review, but I think it's the greatest invention ever - better even than the printing press or the wheel. It's absolutely idiot proof. All you have to do is press 'go' and let it off.
It knows when it has finished the job, but if you want it to finish early, you just press 'stop'. You don't even have to carry it. You guide it out to the lawn with a remote control.
Maybe I'm getting carried away myself, but I do feel humble in its presence. It will save marriages and in the end it will save the planet. No more carbon emissions on the lawn - a petrol mower I'm told can produce as much emissions in an hour as 40 cars.
No more artificial fertilising, no more dumping of nasty grass cuttings and no more fighting over cutting the grass. Best of all, running costs are minimal - about €15 of electricity a year to keep the battery charged.
Apart from my husband grudgingly remarking that "it left out a bit" one evening, and then having to concede defeat when it reversed and swallowed the uncut tuft, I had two minor episodes in the beginning, but both were my own fault.
No-one in the family got a wink of sleep the first night, when the Robomow, which was plugged into a socket in my daughter's bed room, started emitting plaintive distress signals around midnight and continued at intervals throughout the night.
"Get up and look after it," the husband urged. But that was before I had bonded with it, so I just let it holler. Next morning, I found that the cat which had taken to jumping over the flex had dislodged the plug, leaving the robot without a power supply.
"Check the power supply" read the warning sign. No cranky monotone upbraiding me, thank heavens.
Then one day last week it stopped suddenly in the middle of the lawn and wouldn't budge. It usually stops when confronted by an obstacle, like the cat for instance and all I have to do is shoo him away. But this time there was nothing challenging it.
So I rang Liam Burke in a panic. "I killed it," I wailed. "Calm down," he said, "it's just gone into a deep sleep. Just lift the battery and replace it." I did that and off it went again. This thing has needs too, it seems.
To give you a proper perspective on what the little darling is capable of - notice that I no longer call it 'the thing' - let me tell you about my lawn. It started out as a field, and despite valiant attempts over the years to iron it out with rollers, it's still full of hollows and slopes and potholed reminders of where the cattle broke in last summer.
To add to the challenging terrain, badgers have started digging holes in it during the night and I have no idea what they're after. But undaunted, the Robomower has risen to the challenge and every second evening after work I press 'go' and let it loose on the lawn, go in and get my dinner, come out again and the lawn looks like it got a make-over as well as a dinner.
The great thing is that it works even in the rain, and I can't think of any other challenge I can set it.
The worst thing is that the neighbours are all gathering on the lawn gawking at it, but I can't say that I'm not chuffed.
My American cousin said that they've gone beyond all that in Chicago and have gone back to hand mowers to save fuel, but he's welcome to his handmower.
"It's as futuristic a device as you've seen in Dr Who or HG Wells, " said Liam Burke, and he's dead right. Except that this one isn't a little green man. It's yellow, and it's so compliant and efficient that I'm beginning to suspect that it's female. But It hasn't developed a mind of its own yet. I'm still in control.
If you want to know how it works, I'm afraid I'm not the technological genius you need to talk to. I don't question its amazing prowess.
But Liam Burke pegged a wire around the lawn which is slowly sinking into the ground, and set up a little transformer behind a bush. He tells me that it cuts the lawn with high revolution blades and its patented mulching system shreds the grass into tiny pieces, which provide 25 per cent of a lawn's total fertiliser needs.
It was designed and developed in Israel by two engineers and their company now exports to over 25 countries. Over 50,000 Robomows, in various shapes and sizes have been sold around the world.
There are even Parkmows and Bigmows for huge lawns, and football, hurling, soccer or rugby pitches, which can mow up to five acres at a time.
Prices range from €999 to €2,290. A man called Mick Kenney introduced it to Ireland and Liam Burke of Ballycahane, Croom has the local agency. Liam can be contacted at 061/397180 or 086/2588429 or www. friendlyrobotics.ie
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